Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
