mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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