honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
