My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
my shit smells like andre
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
