Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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