My friends, they love my intelligence
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just found a bag of teeth...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
