All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize