You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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