just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
