You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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