Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
