so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
zippers are such a cool invention
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
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as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize