Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
