So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
