She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
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Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
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Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I have post one night stand depression
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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