i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I had to cum in my sink.
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