If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
