his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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