we made out on top of his cat.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
