Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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