Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
