She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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