I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
