We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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