drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
