Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
