Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
