I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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