before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
