I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
