i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
