he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
