My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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