Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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