he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
