the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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