he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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