I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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