You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
wow bdsm is so cute
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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