Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
