Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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