Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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