you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
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Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
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Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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