note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
