I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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