The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
