Your tits are I can't wait for
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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