I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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