I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
