I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i think i have two assholes
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
