at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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