Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
