This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.