Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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