Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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