I need to stop coming to work sober
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
