I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
