He uses pillows to masturbate.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
