"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
